Dear Daddy

Peanut. NCDV series 2009. Oil on canvas. 6 ft by 4ft. The poem below is written on the painting.


Dear Daddy,
I love my mummy, she protects me in her tummy
Makes me feel warm and safe
My mummy talks and sings to me
Feeds me to make sure I am no waif
My mummy strokes her belly and tells me that I’m loved, I am her special one
She says she can’t wait to meet me, -her one and only son
I love my mummy so I can’t wait to see her happy smiling face
The thought makes me excited, to leave my comfy space
Sometimes, I give her a gentle kick, just to let her to know I am here
She laughs, rubs her belly more and says, “the time is near”
I want daddy to love my mummy too
But sometimes Daddy, I don’t think you do…
You told my mummy she was fat and ugly. You called my mummy a slag
You said, that she would be, better in a body bag
I heard you say fat fucking whale, Daddy what does that mean?
Why did that make her cry?
Why were you shouting at her,
You scare my mummy and you scared me too
Why don’t you love my mummy any more?
When you shout at her, she cries
Last time she cried so hard that my whole world shook
I heard her and it shook for ages
And so I cried too
As long as mummy cried, I cried
Then I just felt sick
Why don’t you love my mummy?
Daddy, you screamed to mummy, that I was another man’s
Do I have another daddy?
Why did that break her heart daddy? I know I felt it break.
She cried and cried the longest time and I felt wobbly and sick
I cried too the whole time mummy cried the whole night through
I felt mummies heart beat really fast, it made mine beat fast too.
Quiet now, so quiet… I am sorry baby, you know I love you.. I didn’t mean to say
those things, but you just get to me sometimes…
Quiet mummy.
Crying mummy, quiet, crying mummy…
Gosh you are getting so fat, stop eating before you fucking explode
Mummy has not feed me for ages.
Feel sick all the time, so weak daddy. So weak, can’t kick any more
I love you baby, I’m sorry, your not really fat, here eat something…
Quiet, so quiet………
“If you don’t do as I say I will fucking kick that brat out of you”
“I will break your fucking back and you know I mean it, now bend over you ugly bitch. Lie still”
Mummy screaming “noooooo please, no not that”…
Sobbing
Screaming and crying
Bumps and thuds. Bump bump bump bang bang bang wallop
Pressure in here daddy, cramped and squashed she cant breathe
Gurgling sound from my mummy
I – can’t breathe
I feel sick daddy, my head feels funny
Bang a hard bash on my head
Screaming mummy………….It hurts really badly now
Whack, bump bump bang bang wallop
Smack smack smack
It’s cramped in here so cramped
Loud grunting daddy
Quiet mummy
Hurts
Red stuff in here. She can’t breathe
I can’t breathe
Bump bump bump daddy. Bang bang crash
Stupid fat bitch. “Take it you fucking fat whore”
Pain, so much pain daddy, feel weak. So weak
Daddy, please stop the bumping
Red stuff, so much red stuff in my comfy mummy space
“You should have aborted that fucking baby like I told you to you stupid whore”
Red stuff. Please stop. Please stop. Please…..stop… weak… cramped. She can’t
Breathe
Quiet now, so quiet
Daddy please stop
I – don’t – want- to- to-to-to………….die….
Peanut


/by